Psychology of Women

You no longer have to fight for your basic rights – you can vote, you can determine your own destiny, you can inherit money. So why does it matter if someone is sensitive to the needs and issues specific to your gender?

In short, women’s psychological development occurs in a manner completely different than that of men.

Getting into the nitty gritty a little bit, once boys realize that they are differently gendered from their mother (around age 2 or so), they turn towards their father for a sense of identity and affiliation. Fundamentally, they turn away from their primary relationship and look outward for ongoing development. Psychologically, this is understood as a step out of – and away from – relationship.

Girls, on the other hand, never have this recognition because they are, in fact, the same gender as their mother. Differentiation and separation are not needed at the young age of 2.

As a result, girls grow in and through relationship rather than away and out of it.

Of course, it’s a double edged sword since around age 12, girls suddenly decide they hate their mothers and are annoyed by virtually everything mom does! At this point, girls are trying to figure out how much of their mother they admire and want to adopt for themselves and how much they want to avoid and reject. It’s a painful process – especially for the mother.

That said, the initial turn (age 2) away from mom has a profound impact on boys’ development and their orientation to the world thereafter. Similarly, girls growth in and through relationship determines how the women they become orient towards the world. Women learn to sense into relationship, to anticipate the needs of others – to attune socially.

It impacts everything:  not just how women are received but how we feel about ourselves as we take action.

• Have you ever struggled with being called “aggressive” only to be confused by how to be assertive in a way that others find palatable?
• Have you been torn between using your brains and using your sex appeal to make a point?
• Do you notice yourself apologizing all of the time – to the waiter who you asked to give you a clean fork or your friend against whom you hit a winner on the tennis court?

These are just a few of the ways in which women’s social awareness impacts our actions as well as our sense of self.

We apologize for assertion of our basic needs, we worry about how we are perceived and are forced to make a choice between strength and sex appeal, we wonder why our partners don’t anticipate our needs as we do theirs. And all of this informs our experience of life – and of struggle.

Depression, anxiety, eating disorders, addiction – all are couched within the experience of our womanhood. It makes a difference to have a therapist who understands all of this.

When you’re ready, you can email me at camilla@camillamager.com or call me at (212) 696-6498